The Commander

Commander Rapid views the world as only a 1954 Studebaker can! From his command post on the banks of Whites Creek, he rusts elequently away.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Commander Makes an Appearance

Did you see the face?

Monday, April 13, 2009

150 years ago, Humans were offered Awareness

Commander Rapid, being a beautiful example of intelligent design himself,  thinks humans should read some things. The great and wise Darwin explained why dogs are dogs and cats aren't to be trusted. It's time humans learned.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Friday, May 27, 2005

Commander Rapid, here...

There has been activity on the island.

The commander's post is in a no man's land between two county lines of equal insignificance. Political lines that are merely notations of which collection of local politicians will collect the tax tribute they will then distribute corruptly to their friends, in the name of good government. At times these county lines overlap, each claiming sovereignty...At other times, neither wishes to get its feet wet and they stay on the bank. These are the peaceful interludes...those times of no government.

I have no need of a government for I do not need protection from the forces of the world, you understand...The greatest evil on this planet, and the one which all of us need protection from the most? Governments which have escaped the control of their most common citizens. This is a failure, not of the evil people who capture the flags of once great nations, but of the common people who let them.

That would be you, human!

A requirement of self government is that the form of government put into place be transparent and self limiting, always answering to the choke chain leash held by those it governs. How stupid of humans to place power in the hands of others and turn away to watch frivolities on this television that holds such mesmerizing power over them, while their world is destroyed by ravenous greed.

Odd that this greed of humans so much concerns something that is so poisonous to them in nearly every form of its manifestation...oil. It destroys their lands as they drill for it, and their children as they promote war for its control. It kills their babies and their old people as they burn it, using the one element in the Earth's atmosphere they themselves must have to survive, oxygen, replacing it with soot and poisons.

Stupid...And most stupid of all? Those that serve this greed will ultimately kill themselves and their progeny in the performance of that very service.

The Commander was held captive to oil in the past, but for many decades, he has put it aside...letting the world come to him...and the world has come in pilgrimage, and it is all true and beautiful, though vanishing. Gone are the great muskie that once roamed these waters, but other fish survive here still and take their place. For how long, it remains to be seen. The Commander questions, after all, the ability of humans to jump off of a wrecking train.

There is but one earth, and it is very small. Where will you go, human?

Commander Rapid will be waiting to see what you do.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Commander Rapid here:

Now before you go off on me, asking how a 54 Studebaker can post to the internet you had better stop and realize that the Commander, unlike you...Human..was the product of an intelligent design.

Think about that, those few of you who can!

Sorry to be condescending, but what else is there? For instance, there's this:

The Commander sees that you creatures have a debate scheduled in Kansas on Darwinian theory versus Intelligent Design. Do you realize how funny this appears to the Commander?

The Commander sits, ever vigilant, on the bank of an island in Whites Creek in Tennessee, a mere 25 miles from the site of the worst Chamber of Commerce stunt gone bad since that horrid Ten Commandments of god on a rock thing that Moses tried to pull off. That was the greatest typo in world history, if you ask me. Coming upon the sight of a bunch of Israelites dancing nekkid around a metal statue of a cow, he looked down at his two rocks and realized the prohibition against boiling veal in milk was never going to stop an orgy, whenceforth he sent the stone tablets to rewrite.

Don't you folks realize that the Scopes Monkey trial was a joke? A joke gone really really bad, so bad that there is now a college dedicated to it in Dayton, Tennessee.

And now you creatures want to believe that some entity with even a lick of sense, much less, actual cosmic intelligence, would create...You?

Intelligent design, my Bumper! What arrogant morons humans appear to be...Prove me wrong, people! Have a critical thought, will you?

Commander Rapid will be waiting.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Commander Rapid thinks humans are even stupider than he thought. They only have to get three things right:

Eat, Survive, Reproduce!

Two out of three is not good enough, and he fears that human survival chances are pretty slim. He is heartened, however, by the recent rumblings of the normally suicidal FundXtians as they have started talking about something called "Creation Care". The Commander doesn't care what superstitions these idiots adhere to as long as they will try to stop trying to end the world so they can go to whereever it is they think they will go.

The Commander thinks they will most likely join him in the afterlife, washed where the water will flow somewhere downstream. It is the highest aspiration of a 1954 Studebaker, after all...a return to its primordial elements to start all over as building blocks for something different this time. The Commander knows that a 1954 Studebaker is the highest achievement possible on this plane of existance and fully expects to be a worm next time.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Commander Rapid Here:

The Homeland Security Department has refused comment on questions from several sources reguarding the possible invasion and infiltration of America's noblest institutions by beings from the planet Fund-X-tia. Called "FundXtians", they appear to have the intent of destroying all common sense left on the planet Earth.

Alert defenders of the planet have long known that certain self proclaimed cult leaders are in fact, FundXtians. Once this is realized, the sight of a Mr. Falwell proclaiming, on National television,

"We should blow them all to kingdom come, in the name of the Lord!"

can be directly attributed to FundXtian methods of war. The fact that American Citizens believe, for one second, that Jesus, one of the greatest pacifists that ever lived wants innocent children dead, can only be attributed to FundXtian viruses infecting the brains of seemingly normal humans. It has been a FundXtian strategy that there is no need to conquer the entire body when only the brain is required.

FundXtian methods were used to drive peace loving Americans to accept the "goodness" of blowing up a house full of women and children on the off chance that Saddam Hussein could be inside. This was done on the order of a man claiming to be Pro-Life, wanting to force the will of the state inside the bodies of its citizens to save innocent potential children.

" Abortions are murder but killing Iraqi children and their mothers is an act of love," say the FundXtians!

"The Social Security system might lose $3.7 trillion in the next 75 years, " they say, while refusing to mention the FundXtian tax cut that costs $11.6 trillion over the same time frame. FundXtian Tax reform, now on the agenda, can only be as devastating as the FundXtian Medicare reform that saved Medicare last year by $8.1 trillion over the next 75 years.

How the FundXtians came here and took over the sacred institutions of America is only one part of the mystery...It now appears that over the entire world, this threat is real and growing, as evidenced by movements as diverse as the Fundamuslians, FundaMoonians, FundaMormians, FundaJudibats, and Republicans, also known as Funda-Moron-ians! So far, existing organizations have proved unable to counteract the growing devastation caused by the FundXtians. Of particular note are the Ineptocrats, though sensitive diagnostic equipment shows some brain activity. Only time will tell if this is true, and is of sufficient magnitude to mount a sufficient opposition force. There is fear that the Ineptocrats have already been infiltrated by FundXtian agents. This is the only possible explanation for the shrill, shaking, rantings of the Zellmillerbot at the FundaMoronian convention, prior to the disgraceful reelection of...I can't bring myself to type it but, yes, he's a FundXtian, too...

Citizens! You must prepare yourself for a long protracted struggle against evil FundXtia!

Back to my vigil in my wilderness post,

Commander Rapid